three nightmares

been having some really upsetting dreams recently..

not long ago i dreamt that someone was systematically killing friends in my house. but doing so by sabotaging certain appliances. like the washing machine and other things were killing people in the house, but only people with whom i was really close.

then last night i dreamt that a friend of mine got married to an absolute shithead that she actually knows in real life. and with whom i often fear she is infatuated. and she and i grew apart because i absolutely could not accept their love, and he came down here unexpectedly for a surprise visit (because he doesn't live here) and i was distraught.

tonight was the first night that i actually woke up from the dream it was so bad.

there was a serial killer in the house. people were asleep in my bedroom. i was at the computer. for some reason someone was coming to our house who was out for blood. marina and maybe lauren, maybe bekah, were the only ones in the house not in my room. and i feel like they knew what was going on and retreated to marina's room but just decided to get high (maybe?) and keep having a good time, laughing. while they were still downstairs, i shoved my door shut in order to lock it (which was difficult in the dream) and had soothing music playing and tried my best to lie down in my bed with everyone else and lie completely still. even though i'd shoved my door closed i could somehow see thru a crack and could also hear him coming up the stairs. when he got to the door though i was staring at him trying so hard to not move at all so he wouldn't think anyone was in here. i realized while staring at him that it was phil elverum. which probably sounds funny when typed out right here, but it made things a lot more upsetting in the dream itself. a paragon of wisdom, of peace, of beauty was calmly standing at my doorstep standing still but for his heavy breathing and staring into my room directly at me as i tried not to move a muscle, to close my eyes.

when i woke up it didn't even feel like waking up. it just felt like opening my eyes after waiting for him to leave. i could only tell that i was, indeed, awake because when i opened my eyes they weren't fixed on my door.


it's really lame because i've been going to bed in a bad mood recently. but by the morning i usually feel better. so waking up, still feeling the effects of a nightmare kind of just perpetuates that bad mood.